The hospital recommended that I schedule a follow-up appointment with MAHEC-Women's... so I did. I even blew off stopping in at my family practitioner's office for this appointment because I thought they were going to do a complete exam and start a conversation about why I may have miscarried again and where to go from here. My family doc just needed to take some blood to monitor my hcg level.... and since I was sure the trip to MAHEC would include that, I didn't go to my doc office for it.
I was seen by a certified nurse midwife. She began the appointment by checking my weight and blood pressure. She didn't immediately ask about the mandatory mask I was wearing because I have a cold, she didn't take my temperature. All things that I believe should be standard in any physician's office.
Everything from that point on was a nightmare. She started off by looking at my medical chart and saying that they weren't going to do a pelvic exam or ultrasound until after she was able to confirm if my hcg had gone up. So they were just going to start by drawing blood and then scheduling another visit. If my levels have stabilized or risen then there is a chance that things might be okay.
I stared at her in disbelief. What?! My hcg levels should be dropping... I had a COMPLETE FUCKING MISCARRIAGE!!! We pulled out my discharge paperwork, questioning what she was telling us, and stating that my hcg was only 26 last Tuesday and shouldn't be going up. She countered by arguing that my levels were 56, not 26 and that I was in for a follow-up for a threatened miscarriage. She didn't even look at the paper Marc held out to her.
Then she consulted my chart again. Oh, gee... it appears that I DID have a complete miscarriage. Thanks a lot. THANKS A FUCKING LOT. I shouldn't have to tell the attending practitioner why I'm in there.... especially after a loss. She should have carefully read my chart and been more prepared and more sensitive. I can't believe that this happened.
I had a ton of questions... all of which got immediately shot down. She wouldn't discuss anything related to why I miscarried twice. Or how to prevent further miscarriage. Or when we could start trying again.... well, on that point, she did have one thing to say. "You can't replace this pregnancy with another. You can't ever replace a pregnancy." Well NO SHIT, YOU DUMB INSENSITIVE BITCH!. Do you really think that I don't know that? I've lost two babies. You don't replace babies. But I DO want to have a successful pregnancy so I can hold one of my children. That's why I'm asking all of these questions!
Throughout the remainder of our brief interview, she was brusque and cold. She grudgingly offered to schedule an appointment with the reproductive endocrinologist in six weeks, saying that given my age, he might be willing to run tests that she had just refused to even discuss with me. She shut down further discussion about anything else. And by that point, I just felt defeated and was struggling not to scream and cry at her. I didn't have it in me to assert myself further. In addition, I no longer trusted my care to her... she screwed up big time with the incomplete miscarriage thing and the whole time we were talking, I was watching her scribble notes on this piece of paper. One of the info boxes was labeled "birth control". Handwritten after that was what looked like "IUD". I don't know if that was supposed to be a recommendation or if she somehow got it into her head that I have or have had an IUD. If it was a recommendation, it was never discussed with me. If she thinks I have one, or have had one, she couldn't be more wrong.
She dismissed us to have my blood drawn, walking off before she had completed her directions about where to go. I got my blood drawn and got out of there. I cried all the way home... Marc suggested a walk by the river and I completely fell apart in the parking lot there. The ER staff, as busy as they were, were a hell of a lot more compassionate than this bitch was. And that's not saying much because the ER staff didn't really have a lot of time for compassion. And what really bugs me is that she told me she had seven miscarriages herself. So she should know better! She should know how much it hurts and how much reassurance is needed. She should know about bedside manners and compassion.
I'm never going back there again. In fact, I want to complain, but I don't know how to do it. I'm just so very upset... especially knowing that I could have gone to my family doctor for that blood test and have been treated with so much kindness. I wouldn't have had any other answers, but the kindness would have made all the difference.
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