Feeling defeated

I'm having such a hard time dealing with this last loss. I have to force myself to do anything. I'm at my best when I'm at work, but that is only because I work with children and they demand my focus and attention. I'm giving them what I can, but its not my usual 120%.

I'm sleeping better but still not great. I am just so DEEPLY SAD. I spend all my time and energy crying or trying not to cry. My second baby would have been due next week... and here I am grieving a third.

I'm just feeling so broken and defeated and can't seem to get excited about anything. I won a teaching award the day after I learned I was pregnant... and I placed high enough in that award to qualify for National Child Care Teacher of the Year. The honor means a lot to me... and yet I haven't even started the five page essay I need to submit by the 15th. I just can't focus on it. That's how messed up I feel right now. I'm having a hard time even working toward this really great thing that would bring me some much needed happiness.

Sent from my iPad