This is my journey... my outlet as I navigate the emotional ins and outs of becoming a parent. Two early pregnancy losses have made me realize that I want a way... I need a way... to get my feelings out. I abandoned the blog for several months, but after a third loss, am feeling a need to pick it up again. This blog is for me. Read it if you like, keeping in mind that the journey is mine and you are an invited guest.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
My Heart is Winter
The sudden show of winter after an unusually warm January somehow comforts me. It is normal. Expected. It reflects me at this moment. The cold whiteness outside my window settles me... And no matter how hard the wind blows through these drafty windowpanes, the cold can't touch my heart. My heart is already winter.
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How is your journey going? What is with us educators having funny eggs....
ReplyDeleteI'm slowly coming out of my fog. I went to see a psychiatrist a few months ago on a recommendation from my grief support group facilitator. That was a good move. She diagnosed me with postpartum anxiety and depression - something I didn't realize could happen to women like myself whose pregnancies never got very far.
DeleteI'm on meds to help stabilize my moods and have been working to reduce my level of responsibilities and stress so I can take it easy and focus on being well - physically and emotionally. I'm also doing acupuncture now. It helps.
At this point, I have so many sad anniversaries that I need to learn how to cope with them so I don't get set backwards every few months. For instance... I was pregnant at this time last year. It is difficult to not let that get me down.
But I have found joy in a few activities recently and I'm striving to engage in those activities more.